The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
