You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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