I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
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