I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
