New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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