Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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