i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
