About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
