Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
