Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
