he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
