lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
