paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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