So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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