do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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