Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
