we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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