he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
