Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
