Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
