It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
