I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
