I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
where does the pee come out of this thing
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
