my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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