Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
