first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
