i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
