So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
