left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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