Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
