CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Randomize