i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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