Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
