dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
