Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
