Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
found the other keg... it's in the tree
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
