dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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