Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
