I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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