please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I think my moral compass just broke
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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