textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
