upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
