WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
