I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Mom said you looked used
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
