can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize