I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I could make wine with my vomit
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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