i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
