Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
