my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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