atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
