i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
