We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
