dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
