I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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