I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
