I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
