I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
