just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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