just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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