I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
