Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
