after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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