I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
