Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
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Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
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He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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