Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Farmville is her only friend.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
