Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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