He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
