I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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