You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
