Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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