i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
