"it" just moved
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
