The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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