I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Randomize
