Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Randomize
