How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
